been lonely

but i've never been this lonely. I have no motivation. I feel sad and pathetic and writing it makes me feel even more so. Perhaps I need to write it...

Today, I picked up the USA Today paper and there is a huge article titled "Chavez's power play has echoes of Castro" and subtitled "Venezuelan vote on Sunday could lead to big headache for U.S."

For megalomania, for mendacious media...
America, America God shed his grace on thee.

Blah. Read this. http://www.alternet.org/story/16255/?page=1

I need to write two papers for this class that were already due. I skipped this class today and I have definitely missed too many times. The professor is absent minded though and I haven't learned a damn thing. That's not entirely true but I don't feel as if I have learned enough to account for an entire semester. I could actually say that about three of the four courses I am in this semester. College is so unnatural... a lot of things are unnatural. The sad thing is I am hardly passing these courses because...
I am unmotivated. Here is the part where I take full responsibility. It is not the dispassionate professors, or the bratty students... (harsh I don't really mean these things)... It is ALL my own damn fault. This is one great lesson I have learned this semester outside of Academia is about taking fucking responsibility for yourself, your opinions, your actions. We are all suffering from so much guilt because we are all so accusatory. Stop trying to vindicate yourself and just fucking OWN it. Does it matter if what you feel is "wrong" or "right"? It is just how you feel so own it.

I find comfort in the fact that my love for music will never change or cease. One week of classes, a few days of finals, three more semesters and a lifetime of learning. What is this place?